A Look Back and a Step Forward

I know it has been a very long time since my last blog (probably over a year or two) so I'm jumping back into the groove since life is slowing down a bit for the time being.

It always seems when you reach a new stage in life you have to revisit the past, re-evaluate, and refocus.  It's funny how we all have these plans and goals for ourselves, checking things off our lists one by one. As we meet these goals, the list grows longer and longer, with more and more things to check off.  I don't know what causes us to look back when we accomplish something, but I'm sure glad I did.  

I've had a lot more time on my hands since passing my boards and starting the job search, so it only made sense to spend this extra time with the Lord.  I think that I've been avoiding serious, extended alone time with Him for the past two and half years because life got too busy. (Okay, I know I've been avoiding serious, extended alone time with the Lord.)  That's the great thing about our God though, He never goes away, never stops chasing us, never stops calling us to spend just a little bit of our time with Him.  Well, we had a lot of catching up to do. 

I found myself looking through a drawer with all my old journals, books, and binders from past Bible studies and retreats, God lead me to an old study that I did with a group of ladies in college. The study is called Stuck, by Jennie Allen.  I think that's what I've been feeling lately. Stuck. 

So I picked up the book and started reading it after I finished my devotional and daily scripture reading.  I found myself reading the answers to all the old questions in the book and thinking, wow, I'm still struggling with the same things I struggled with four years ago.  

That sounds pretty depressing, huh? Actually, it's the exact opposite! 

Seeing where I was in my walk with the Lord, and seeing where I am now, gives me hope.  Avoiding my sin was not going to make it go away. I needed to meet it head on. 

In Jennie's study Stuck, she says this, "The space in which we are stuck, lacking, sinful, broken, and in need, is the space in us that longs for God, longs for forgiveness.  When we soberly view ourselves and our sin, we see our need and call out for God." 

I needed to take that look back.  I needed to identify the areas of my life where I was stuck so God could set me free. 

God says in Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." And Paul goes on to say in verse 10, "Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

God knows our weaknesses. There is no use hiding, or pretending.  He knows our weaknesses and He loves us anyway. 

Once we admit our flaws and failures to the Savior, and humbly fall at His feet, only then will His power overcome our weakness. 

What is love?

I just came across this excerpt from C.S. Lewis's "Mere Christianity"and I wanted to share. :)

"What we call "being in love is a glorious state, and in several ways, good for us... It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last; principles can last: habits can last: but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called "being in love" usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending "They lived happily ever after" is taken to mean "They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married," then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of  course ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense-- love as distinct from "being in love" is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit, reinforced by the grace which both parties ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other, as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be "in love"with someone else. "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it."

Your One True Prince

Today I was reading through some of my old prayer journals. I've been keeping a journal of my prayers since 2007 and it has been one of the biggest blessings to look back and see what God has done in my life. Looking back, I can read all the feelings I had and how God worked out everything in my life in time.

One area of my life particularly made me realize God knew exactly what he was doing. I've been a Christian all my life, and going to college, I knew would put a strain on my relationship with Christ. All my prayers leading up to my freshmen semester were a lot similar in asking God to always be first in my life and to let all the distractions fade away.

As first semester progressed my prayers changed from asking God to be first to telling him how much I need him to be. I was making a lot of mistakes at the time and living in the darkness, but my prayers were getting more sincere in desperate need for him to pull me out of the life I was living and give me new life. It's so encouraging to look back and think that all those times I was crying out to God, he heard me. And while I was walking away from him, he was still pursuing  me.

God is always pursuing you. Even when you feel like he isn't there. He wants to be your Prince and he will rescue you.  

What are you living for?

Well I'm still reading through the book of Luke and sure am learning a whole lot! I came across a parable today that really made me think about my eternal perspective.

Luke 14: 15-23 says,
"¹⁵ When one of those at the table with him heard this, he said to Jesus, “Blessed is the one who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God.”
 ¹⁶ Jesus replied: “A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. ¹⁷ At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.’
   ¹⁸ “But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, ‘I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.’
   ¹⁹ “Another said, ‘I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I’m on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.’
   ²⁰ “Still another said, ‘I just got married, so I can’t come.’
   ²¹ “The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.’
   ²² “‘Sir,’ the servant said, ‘what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.’
   ²³ “Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full."

When I read over verses 18-20, I realized how many excuses I make each day. Excuses for why I don't share the gospel, excuses for not spending time in the word and prayer, and excuses for getting my t
"to do" list finished. Too many times I find myself wrapped up in what this world has to offer when my king is inviting me to his eternal kingdom of blessings. I'm too busy in worrying about finding the perfect job, marrying the perfect person, and building the perfect family instead of setting my mind on eternity.

Are we ignoring God's call and savoring the things of this world or are we looking forward to the glorious riches God promises us for eternity?

When Jesus calls us to "eat at the feast in the kingdom of God" (Luke 14:15) would we have been so ethralled by the things of the world that we didn't take any time to build the kingdom of God? God calls us all to live in his glory and share it with others, so that all of his children will come back to him.

True Love

I came across this quote today which really gripped my heart- "God has made us for Himself, and our hearts can never know rest and perfect satisfaction until they find it in him."- Hannah Hurnard

I read this and thought about how meaningful this quote is to God. I opened my bible to a Psalm which perfectly describes God's heart for creating us. In Psalm 8: 3-5 David says,

"When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers-
the moon and the stars you set in place-
what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
human beings that you should care for them?
Yet you made them only a little lower than God
and crowned them with glory and honor."

David describes how God created the sky and all the stars and how he set everything in its perfect place. Have you ever looked up at a night sky and marveled at the beauty of God's handiwork? He knows each and every star and he purposefully placed each one to shine just so we can gaze upon his glory. While he created all of these beautiful things that amaze us each and every day, the most precious thing he created was you. Just like he knows every single star in the sky, he knows every single hair on your head (Luke 12:7) He made us to live in perfect harmony with him. He wants to be the one to meet our every need, give us rest, and find our satisfaction in knowing him. We are the crown of his creation. When we marvel at the vast sky of stars and think about how beautiful they are and how beautiful God is, we should also think about how beautiful we are and how loved we are. The only thing we need to do is let go of all that we try to fill our longings with and fall deep in love with our prince who so desperately wants to be with us. There is not another love story more perfect than his. <3

Faith in Action

Right now I'm reading through the book of Luke and learning a lot about faith; not just having faith, but also putting that faith into action. Its not enough to just trust Jesus with our lives, we have to believe that he has the power to change our lives by filling us with his Spirit to bear his image. That means not always trying to pursue a "Christian lifestyle" but pursuing Christ. If we're only trying to figure out how we should serve him according to our lifestyle we're only serving ourselves and not glorifying God.

In Luke 5 Jesus was teaching among Pharisees and teachers of the law from all over Galilee, Judea, and Jerusalem. Some men were carrying a paralytic on a mat and all they wanted was to get near Jesus so he would heal him. They could not find a way to get to Jesus so they went up on the roof and lowered the paralytic down to him right in the middle of Jesus' teaching. They didn't give up when they couldn't find a way because they knew that Jesus would heal him and all they had to do was get close enough to him. They had faith and they put their faith into action.

Luke 5:20 says, "When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."

Jesus healed him spiritually because of his faith. Then when the Pharisees saw that Jesus had the authority to forgive sins they were skeptical. Then Jesus healed the man physically, and they were filled with awe.

Luke 5:26 says, "Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God."

What a great story about how we can put our faith into action can glorify God. When we take the initiative to step out, to trust him, and be determined to pursue his righteousness, we can exhibit his holiness and others will come to place their faith in the one true God!

Later on in Luke Jesus asks this question, "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord' but do not do what I say?"

Wow. We can praise God and trust him in our hearts, but how will others know the name of Jesus if we don't do what he says?


We are called to show the love of Jesus, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."

We are his special possession and he has called us out of darkness for a reason. He can use you no matter where you are in your Christian walk, "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."- Luke 5:32

Lately, I've been learning a whole bunch, but one thing that keeps coming up is the subject of love. Not the love seen in chick flicks like "The Notebook" or the love you feel towards your parents, friends, or significant other, but true love. Loving someone is not supposed to be easy. Jesus' death of the cross was not easy. He bared a heavy burden to be with us and that is love.
Relationships (not just love relationships) are supposed to be Christ centered. God has been pulling at my heart a lot lately and revealing to me that I'm not loving others in my life like Christ loves them. The world says when someone does something wrong to you, or makes you feel bad you should give them the cold shoulder. My flesh wants to do this so bad all the time, but with prayer and the Holy Spirit reigning over me, He takes control.
In Matthew Chapter 5 Jesus talks about love for our enemies. I don't think in this particular passage that he was speaking strictly about our enemies, but also the people we love because the people we love tend to be the people we hurt the most sometimes. He says:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?"

If we only continue to love those that love us are we really loving anyone at all? Because people are broken there is no way anyone on earth is going to ever love us like Jesus does. People are going to disappoint you time and time again. And my first instinct when someone disappoints me is to be angry with them and avoid them. We disappoint God time and time again and still yet He never leaves us. Its important as Christians we show this same love to everyone in our lives, enemies or not. If we start loving those closest to us, really loving them, every relationship in our lives will be glorifying God and produce a fruitful spirit within us and others.