Quite a few young women have expressed frustration to me about the “politics of guy friendships”, wishing that they could simply shrug off all concern and enjoy the same closeness with their guy-friends that they share with their female friends. But even though you might feel a close connection with a guy friend, it’s important to stay guarded in both your thoughts and your actions toward him. It is all too easy, especially for girls, to begin giving away the kind of intimacy and affection that is meant to be saved for your future spouse. It’s more than possible to enjoy close guy friendships without violating the sacredness of your future marriage relationship – but it doesn’t happen by accident. It takes prayer, focus, and help from the Spirit of God.
Ask the Spirit of God to be your guide – if you submit your every thought, action, and conversation to Him, He will guide and direct you; offering caution when it is needed and giving you freedom when it is needed.
Before my relationship with Eric ever began, I developed close friendships with several godly young men. Up until then, most of my interaction with the opposite sex had been flirtatious, teasing, based on physical attraction, the challenge of getting a guy’s attention, or the hope of a romantic fling developing. But once I gave God the “pen” of my love story, I made a decision not to pursue guys in that way and to put a stop to the flirtatious relationships I had become so used to. I wasn’t sure how to have a healthy, Christ-focused friendship with a guy. I prayed that God would show me His pattern. I found that the first step was entering into friendships with like-minded young men; young men who were not primarily focused on the opposite sex, but on Jesus Christ. I hadn’t met many young men that fell into that category, but as I prayed about it, God began to bring a small handful of them into my life. Instead of teasing, joking, and flirting when we were together, we spent time encouraging each other spiritually and discoursing about God’s Word. They truly became like brothers to me, pointing me continually toward Christ and not toward themselves.
In reality, a guy/girl friendship – especially one that is not headed toward marriage – is not meant to become as intimate and close as other friendships, no matter what kind of “connection” you may feel. Once God brings your future spouse into your life, your one-on-one friendships with the opposite sex will need to diminish, being replaced by “couple friendships” instead. And it is far less painful to make that transition when deep, personal, intimate friendship bonds have not been forged.
If there is a possibility in your mind that a friendship with a member of the opposite sex might end up as something more, it is still wise to be careful until you know for sure. God is perfectly capable of nudging a relationship forward in His own time and way. But in the meantime, the best thing you can do is to live as if your heart, mind, and body still belong to someone else.
Eric and Leslie Ludy's love story spurred out of a healthy friendship after they gave the pen of their relationship to God! Enjoy their video of what a beautiful story God wrote for them! <3 <3 <3
Eric and Leslie Ludy's love story spurred out of a healthy friendship after they gave the pen of their relationship to God! Enjoy their video of what a beautiful story God wrote for them! <3 <3 <3
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